You are a stay at home what?

I'm almost four months into my new role and the fact that Ava has not had one cut (or is simply still here) must mean I'm doing something right. Ava is like my report that was due every Friday at work. I pour my heart and soul into it all week with no verbal recognition and the only way I know I'm still doing is a good job is that I'm allowed back into the building Monday morning.

So where do I get my recognition? Rephrase. Where is my “male” recognition? After four months its pretty easy for me to describe the typical response I get from “working men” when I tell them I'm I stay at home dad. When I say “working,” I mean men who generally go to a place of business every day. Yes, what I do is work, too, but my boss is a foot tall, cries when she doesn’t get her way and needs help cutting her food. Wait....my old boss was kinda like that, too, minus the foot tall part. Anyway, there are three types of categories I can put my fellow man into when I tell them my job. Below are these categories.

1. The "Really!?! Huh....." Group
Gender: Male
Age: 34-60+
Avg. Salary: $200K+++
Relationship to you: Your boss. Your boss’s boss. CEO. Grandfathers.
Other quotes from this group: “Never catch me doing that.” “Ahhh...like my wife?” “Good luck with that.” “How about a promotion and the corner office?” “Too bad, we saw good things for you here” (funny they never said that before).

This group mainly consists of egotistical males who feel money, power and respect is what makes a man. They are generally set in their old-fashioned ways, with some who still complain about women’s right to vote. They are for the most part the leaders you looked to for guidance when you had an office job. And who may take your decision to quit personally, and react emotionally.

2. The “Must be nice...” Group
Gender: Male
Age: 23-33
Avg. Salary: Unemployed-$110K
Relationship to you: Your male friends. Brother. Brother-in-law. Married colleagues making the same as you.
Other quotes from this group: “Good luck, Mr. Mom.” “Dude, who's gonna be my ride to work in the morning now?” “Call me when Oprah’s on.” “Call me when Dr. Phil is on.” “Take me with you and we can start a Daddy Day care.”

This group is mostly made up of your male friends. They think being a stay home dad is about hanging around the house all day, eating bon-bons and watching TV. They picture Peggy Bundy. It is also made up of colleagues who you thought were your good friends but were secretly lurking in the shadows for you to quit or mess up so they could pounce on that next promotion like a starving tiger. They will make funny little comments to look like they are the “good guy” but realistically, you will never talk to them again after your going away party. The same party they have been planning ever since your boss asked you to go for a beer alone.

3. The “What's that like?” Group
Gender: Male
Age: 30-65
Avg. Salary: $40K-millions
Relationship to you: None. They are your wife’s girlfriend’s partner. Or they are your wife’s male colleagues.
Other quotes from this group: “Ahhhh.” “Cool.” “I saw Mrs. Doubtfire.”

This group is pretty much just made of the males in your partner’s life that are too afraid to speak their mind. They respect your partner and are cautious of boundaries to not upset anyone (mainly your partner). They are “interested” to hear about what you do only when your partner is around and following each of your sentences with a simple nod and “nice.” But the moment your partner is gone the conversation quickly turns to sports.

So what male in my life is actually interested in what I do? Easy. Other stay at home dads. Below is their category.

The "Does your kid do this. Oh my god, what is that....?" Group.
Gender: All male all the time
Age: 27-45
Avg. salary: Zip. Zero. Nada. Hugs.
Relationship to you: The other SAHDs you meet once a week for a play date where you can order beer.
Other quotes from this group: “I used to be a.....” “Do you find your life to be more philosophical now.” “This diaper bag demeans us both.” “I wish I had boobs sometimes.”