My morning with Daddy

Ahhh crap! I think I overslept. It feels more like 7am, not 6am. Oh well, whatever, better just start letting daddy know I'm ready to start the day. Waaaaaaaaah. Waaaaahhhhh. Waaaaahhhh. Ugh. Sometimes daddy thinks I'm going to go back to bed but not today, old man. Get up, lazy. Waaaaahhhh. Here we go. I see a light in the hall. Yup, he's here. I hear his baby voice: "Good morning lady!" Good lord! I'm a year old, far from a lady. Crap, think I just pooped. Yeah, yeah, hi, daddy, nice to see you too. *Do cute eye rub and give spaced out look now, he loves that.* Yes, genius, I slept well. Pretty obvious no?!? I went down like 11 hours ago. Pick me up please, I need a diaper change. Easy on the diaper rash cream too, I found some on my knee last night. Okay, what are you going to use to distract me while you try to change my diaper? A block? Stuffed toy? A book? Good luck this...oooooh, your glasses. Gimme gimme gimme. You're taking forever, dude. Shouldn't have switched to cloth. Time's up, buddy, I'm turning over. Ha! How do you like that?!? My butt is in the air and you're struggling to put my onesie back on. Good luck getting me to turn back over! I can do.....ooooh, your hat! Gimme gimme gimme. Ugh. You win this one.

Straight to the kitchen please, I'm starving. You can use the bathroom later. What's for breakfast? Excuse me garcon, I would like to see a menu. Please not waffles. Please not waffles. Booooo, it's waffles du jour. Better call the dog in, I'm gonna be tossing some of these pieces on the floor. Hi, yes, I would like organic whole milk to start and your finest organic blueberry waffle lightly toasted. Thanks. Excuse me garcon, my milk is a little cold. Can you warm it up for me? My waffle is done. Finally! Oooh, a little syrup too. What's that? Don't tell mommy? I won't. Guess I can't anyway cause all I can say is dada and cat. This waffle is pretty good today. I will compliment the chef by bouncing in my high chair and stuffing my face. Um, garcon, would you mind removing this dog from your establishment? He's hovering around me. Thanks. Oh, and could you turn up the music? I can't hear Dave Matthews over my babbling. Ok. I'm done. Please bring me my check and some water. I have left your tip in my diaper. And please alert the valet that I will be requiring a lift from this highchair to the living room.

Aaaah. I'm stuffed. Wait. No. I'm hungry. Oh look, daddy's Blackberry. Why is there someone saying something to me from daddy's phone? It sounds familiar. Sounds like gramma. How did she know I had daddy's phone and why does she just keep saying hello? Yeesh, even I know more words than that. Whatever, I'll just keep pushing some buttons to let her know I'm here. I think she's gone. That was rude, she didn't even say goodbye. Okay, I'm done with my toy. What's over here? Hmmm, that's odd. There used to be a glass bowl on top of this table. Where is it? I usually tried reaching for it and daddy would always say "not for babies." Its so cute when he says that. And he says it often too! Wait, there it is. Ugh, how am I going to reach that all the way up there? Whatever. What's over h... Sorry, brief pause. I fell. Waaaah. Waaah. Waaaah. I love when I fall cause daddy always picks me up and makes funny noises. They sound like farts. Giggle, giggle, giggle. Okay, I'm good. What was I crying ab....ooooh what's over here? Wait. Excuse me, daddy? I used to be able to open this drawer all the way. Seems to be something preventing me from doing that now. Please assist. No, I would not like to play with my Leapfrog table. I would like to play with this drawer. Good, he's coming over. Wait, wait. Why you picking me up? Put me down. I would like to see what's in the dr....oooooh my Wheelybug! Good call, daddy. Could you prop me up into a stand position please? Thanks. And I'm off. Wheeeeeeeeee. Ugh. I'm stuck. Who put this wall here? It wasn't here yesterday. Hello?!? Need a little help. Hello?!? Waaah. Waaaaah. Waaaaah. No daddy, I'm not tired and cranky. I'm stuck in this corner. I do not need a nap, thank you very much. Yeeesh. You and the "naps." Go use the bathroom or something. I release you from your duties for two or three minutes. Wait. No. I didn't mean it. Come back. Waaah. Waaah. Waaah. Come back.....yay mommy is here to supervise before she goes to work. Look, mommy. I pulled all this stuff out of my toy box. I'm not using any of it but we can sit here and stare at it. Want to do a chant with me, mommy? Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. Dada. No, I'm saying dada not momma. I don't know that word yet. I love when I chant dada. Mommy always gives daddy this evil stare. Oooooh, what's this? The tv converter? Woohoooo. Let me just press all these buttons and....yay, now the tv is on. Ooooooh, the Today Show. I love the Today Show. Except I can never find Matt Lauer. What's that Al Roker? What's going on in my neck of the woods? Ummm, mostly clear with a 100 percent chance of poop. Oh, daddy is back. Guess mommy is going to work now. Pick me up daddy, I would like to say goodbye to mommy. Yes, yes, daddy, I know she's leaving. I'm saying goodbye. Look at my hand, it's in the air. Now kiss her and put me down, I see a drawer I was working on before.


Okay....apparently you don't want to put me down, but rather you request my assistance in pointing items out in the room. Let's make this snappy, that drawer is calling my name. Yes, that's the balloon there. That's the clock there. Yeesh, you're like 31, dude. Don't you remember? Yes, the pictures of me are there (I do look cute if I say so myself). The fan is up there. The table? What's that? Table? Ummmm....there? Oh, wait, that's you I'm pointing at. Table, table, let's see.....there? Yes! Sweet! Ha! Take that, Baby Einstein! Okay, I'm a little bored. Let's try some walking. Grab my hands and stand behind me please, daddy. For the love of Pete! I said behind me. Not in front. Waaah. Waaah. Waaaahh. Now get back there already. Okay, here we go. I'm walking. I'm walking. Check me out everybody. Now daddy stopped and is walking away. Not sure why, but maybe he's tired. It has been a busy morning for the poor guy. Wait. If he's walking away and I'm still standing....then what am I holding on to? That's it! I'm falling. Waaaaah. Waaaaah waaaah. Take that, daddy! Teach you to walk away. Waaah waahhhh....ooooh airplane ride. Wheeeeeeee. Attention passengers, this is your captain, Ava, speaking. If you look to the left you will see a bookshelf. If you look to your right you will see......my drawer I was trying to open!!! Please buckle up we are preparing to land. Waaaaahhhhh. Oooooh, you are a good distractor, Mr Bennett but please sit me down in front of my draw.....ABCDEFGHI....I love this song. LMNOP. La la la la la. Excuse me, Mr DJ? I would like to hear Old MacDonald Had a Farm and please make sure a rooster is there this time. I love that cockadoodle doo noise. Hmmm, daddy is funny sometimes. Maybe I should smile, clap and give him a couple more giggles to let him know he's alright. Done. EIEIEIOOOOO. Ahhhhh, good show daddy. Good show. Yawwwwwwwn. Crap. Did daddy see that? Crap, crap. I think he saw me yawn. Yup, here he comes. Ahhh well, its been a good three hour run. I'll get a little nap on and hope that he works on his pitch while I sleep. He was a little flat on that last song. He tidied my toys. Check. He restocked my wipes. Check. He changed my diaper. Check. Wait. Wait. You forgot something. A hug from me. Here you go, daddy. Love you. See you in an hour.